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Who am I?

Now I know and yet!

Of all the questions that have haunted me, the question which remains well etched out in my memory is the existential crisis, I have been through. I have sought to find out my identity through my words and I am still trying. Not to find an answer in one thing but to be lost in it entirely is a different ball game altogether. How many nights I have spent without a trace of sleep in my eyes, only I know.

I have seen my disappointments, my failures, my losses. I have seen myself at my weakest too. I believe this happens to all the people. Sometimes despite our best efforts we end up on the wrong side of the luck. But what if the best we gave is not our best. What if we do not know what our real potential is. What if our best time is about to come.

What if we are so near to our goals and yet.


Our faith is strongest, when we are at our weakest. But to me it always seemed a little different, which led me to become an agnostic. Believing in the same force as yours does not make me stronger and stranger still is that fact that denying it, is also not a way out for me. Oh how much I want him to be true.

So by nature and by the circumstantial obligations, I was led to a path on which I shouldn’t have wondered, not even in my wildest dreams. A path of darkness and constant procrastination, a path from where I thought no return was possible. How much time I have spent in procrastination is not a number but a significant part of my life. A decade or more. All the things that I have been through make a sad story.

But perhaps all these things are in my mind.

You know, mind is a mysterious being. It has its own reasons and own logic. That’s why we dream. I have a dream too. Against all the odds, I hope, that some day it will come true.

May be all these negative things I think or write do not exist. May be everything is all right. May be all these sad stories are made up in my mind and yet.

” Life or Death.”

“Truth or Untruth.”

between these extremities lies my true identity, my true nature.

One day I was sad for I did not know that happiness existed and Now I know better.    So sometimes back I promised myself that however sad the story may be none of my stories will end without a smile.

So smile while you read this as the fire which burns me, burns you too. You may just not know it. The fire to live, the fire to be strong, the fire to cast out all the sins and weaknesses from your life.


This is the end of my Story. If you think this is incomplete. you are right.

Tell me.

What do you think?

Who am I now?

oh, wait a minute.

You do not know me for you do not know my story.

Not yet.

Be with me we will get to know one another.

Thanks for reading and supporting me.

Have hope.

You know what

“When the bad times are over, there will be good stories to tell.”


Copyright© Sunilmdabral

This is an original work of Sunilmdabral a.k.a Sifar and no part of this blog, ( may be reproduced in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronics, mechanical, photocopying, recording and or without permission of the author.


I have taken utmost cautions that all the work I present here is 100% original but if anyone finds that any of the works or part of it is not original or have taken from another source (which is unlikely still) mistakenly and show/refer me the original source, I am willing to remove the same on immediate basis. Most of this work pertains to early part of this decade and some of the work remains available on public platforms like Facebook though not in proper form but as fragments. You may also find some of the works as incomplete as this is intentional and to protect my work, once the book I intend to complete by the end of year 2018, comes out, I wish to complete some of the works and will leave some so that you can buy the book, if you find the same interesting.